he was lonely

That's how ... and that's what I am doing now. Beginning allover again. " His voice dropped from boastfulness to a noteof wistful melancholy, the look of strained jauntiness fell fromhis face like a mask, and for an instant she saw the real man,old, ruined, lonely. Yes, that was it: he was lonely,desperately lonely, foundering in such deep seas of solitudethat any presence out of the past was like a spar to which heclung. Whatever he knew or guessed of the part she had playedin his disaster, it was not callousness that had made him greether with such forgiving warmth, but the same sense of smallness,insignificance and isolation which perpetually hung like a coldfog on her own horizon. Suddenly she too felt old--old andunspeakably tired. 　　"It's been nice seeing you, Nelson. But now I must be gettinghome."He offered no objection, but asked for the bill, resumed hisjaunty air while he scattered largesse among the waiters, andsauntered out behind her after calling for a taxi. 　　They drove off in silence. Susy was thinking: "And Clarissa?"but dared not ask. Vanderlyn lit a cigarette, hummed a dance-tune, and stared out of the window. Suddenly she felt his handon hers. 　　"Susy--do you ever see her?""See--Ellie?"He nodded, without turning toward her. 　　"Not often ... sometimes ....""If you do, for God's sake tell her I'm happy ... happy as aking ... tell her you could see for yourself that I was ...."His voice broke in a little gasp. "I ... I'll be damned if ... 　　if she shall ever be unhappy about me ... if I can help it ...."The cigarette dropped from his fingers, and with a sob hecovered his face. 　　"Oh, poor Nelson--poor Nelson, " Susy breathed. While their cabrattled across the Place du Carrousel, and over the bridge, hecontinued to sit beside her with hidden face. At last he pulledout a scented handkerchief, rubbed his eyes with it, and gropedfor another cigarette.